According to a recent U.S. Census Survey released in 2006, there are over 160,000 stay-at-home-dads (SAHDs) in the United States. More and more men are choosing to become their children’s primary caregivers in lieu of pursuing a career. It is not like any other job, but the rewards are immense. Living comfortably on one income, managing the household efficiently, mastering daily routines, and networking in a female-dominated community can pose many challenges for a new SAHD.
SAHD: Who Are They?
SAHDs are just regular guys who have either been thrust with this role as a result of sudden job loss or have decided to become the primary caregiver. Despite the circumstances, SAHDs struggle with many issues as they face the challenges of day-to-day care of their children.
Why Stay at Home?
Security. Dr. Robert Frank, an assistant professor from Oakton Community College conducted a survey of stay-at-home dads and discovered that the main reason why men choose to stay at home was to avoid sending their children to daycare. Children need a parent to be there for them at all times. It is the basic foundation from which children develop a sense of knowing that they are loved and cared for by someone they can rely upon.
Simplify. Whether its running back and forth to daycare or working opposite shifts, most working parents feel like they are stuck on a treadmill 24/7 with no end in sight. Many parents believe that children should whenever possible, be raised by a parent or guardian. In order to make this vision a reality, a growing number of parents chose to work evening and overnight shifts, while the other spouse works during the day. This scheduling can often create a hectic routine for both parents to the point in which the the only means of communication is via phone and email.
Job Loss. By far the most common reason why men have found themselves caring for one or more children is the loss of a career. For many fathers, this sudden blow is often difficult to deal with especially after working so hard at a career that was suppose to end at retirement. Job loss coupled with the daunting task of caring for children takes a significant amount of time to adjust.
Staying At Home Issues
Dealing With Social Isolation. The number one compliant of many stay-at-home dads is dealing with sudden isolation. Even going to a female-dominated playground to establish some sort of social network often draws scepticism and suspicion from stay-at-home-moms. While stay-at-home-moms often enjoy play dates and social gatherings with other moms, SAHDs are usually excluded. However, with the increasing use of internet as a social forum, websites, such as RebelDad.com, stayhomedads.com, slowlane.com, and daddyshome.com, offer a chance for SAHDs to re-connect with each other and offer support, advice, encouragement, companionship, and most importantly, affirmation.
Domestic Issues. Peter Baylies, founder of the At-Home Dad Newsletter and author of The Stay-at-Home Dad Handbook (Chicago Review Press, 2004), suggests that if you are considering taking the plunge of becoming a SAHD, there are a number of issues you will need to discuss with your partner in order to insure a smooth transition:
- What are our monthly expenses?
- What are our wants versus needs? Can certain things be eliminated or reduced from our wants list?
- Household duties: Who is responsible for what? Can certain things be slated as a ‘taking turns tasks (i.e, taking out the trash).
- What kinds of entertainment can we budget for (i.e., instead of going to the movies, purchase or rent DVDs and make your own popcorn)
- Can we afford to take a night out once a month?
- Family vacations: How often can we take a vacation and where is it feasible?
- Do we really need 2 cars? Can the working partner be able to car pool or use public transit?
- Time for yourself: Can this be worked into the family schedule?
- What are the overall benefits (psychological, emotional, etc..) from staying-at-home for the family?
This list is far from an exhaustive one; however, it will give you a good beginning. Baylies reports that the key elements in any discussions should be openness, honesty, and being a good listener. Once discussions are underway, it is important that both partners understand and agree to what their roles and responsibilities are. Whether your decision to be a SAHD was thrust upon you or you choose this role on a voluntary basis, the most important outcome of becoming a stay-at-home parent is being able to provide a secure, healthy, and loving environment for your children.
Anju Mootilal - Anju Mootilal has a wide variety of professional experiences in psychology and education. She graduated with a Bachelor of Science ...
